Long distance relationships (LDR)

“If you find honey, eat just enough, too much of it, and you will vomit (Proverbs 25v16)

How far will you go for love? Being an expat in the UAE it’s becoming more apparent that many couples have either been in an LDR at some point or are currently in one. I’ve spoken to a number of people whose girlfriend/boyfriend is back in their home town or another country. Some people even have fiancee/wives/husbands abroad. Most of these people either have plans to join their other half or for their partner to come to them. I was watching a YouTube video about a girl who met her boyfriend in Paris while she was studying and then had to move back to the USA. That couple kept up their LDR for two years before they were able to be together, however they stayed strong through flying back and forth, Skype and text messages. Now they are together and stronger than ever. I’ve heard many stories of LDR, some with happy endings and others not so lucky. If someone asked me to be in a LDR about 10 years ago I probably would have said no, knowing that for me it wouldn’t work because I love quality time, but at the same time I’m not needy, so that person would need to be able to balance the two. However I’m more open to it now that we are a generation saturated in technology and social media it’s a lot easier to keep in touch. The only reservation one has would be trust issues. If you haven’t guessed already I’m currently in a long distance relationship…how do I deal with it? With difficulty…it can be lonely but thank God for school holidays and lots of communication…but most importantly my mind is at peace. When you have peace of mind you can relax, I mentioned in my previous post “10 ways you can tell that he loves you” that he will not give you a reason to suspect anything. Women were made with an inner knowing, a gift and it’s called intuition. I don’t know how but we always know when something is up. Yes we can be deceived but even in deception we know, but can choose to ignore, so the question arises, did he deceive me or am I deceiving myself? “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Some of us have a tendency to overlook those “red flags”, (Here is a funny video to check out some of those red flags). But it’s not just women who need to worry I’m sure the same insecurities plague the man too. My thoughts are, if it’s something you both want you will make it work no matter what it takes. I love the song by Oleta Adams, ‘Get Here‘ which must have been inspired by being in a long distance relationship. At the time of writing this song, WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype, FaceTime, etc didn’t exist. Can you imagine if she wrote that song now?

“You can reach me by FaceTime, Viber connection has a bad line…send a message on WhatsApp, you can reach me on my Skype” lol you can only imagine the rest.

However in the end she said “I don’t care how you get here, just get here if you can”. It is my belief that LDR’s can work as long as there is an end goal in sight, that goal should be, to be together at some point. It’s true, absence can and does make the heart grow fonder. It’s nice to be with the person you love all the time, and if I could have it my way I would, but eventually you will start to take them for granted. It’s the rare objects of the world that have the highest value.

So in conclusion, do I think LDR’s can work? Absolutely! true love transcends boundaries and distance, in fact “Love never dies of starvation but often indigestion” (Ninon de L Enclos).

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Long distance relationships (LDR)

  1. My issue as u stated would be the trust , I don’t think I could get my head round that I would probably move out there and get a job were she is.

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    1. Thanks for your comment Dean, yes both parties definitely should plan to be together permanently at some point, one person will have to make that sacrifice. Its a big decision to move half way across the world for love but if that person is worth it, it won’t feel like a sacrifice.

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  2. If you have known the person before the separation… Its manageable…
    I would not try ldr… Communication is 20percent words and 80 percent non verbal… How long can we do with 20 percent.. Yes its possible but plz lets save eachother the ugliness of loneliness . There is so much beauty out there to be all by urself. hoping for someday u miss out on some greater love n friendship. I absolutely love ur thoughts on this subject. Good piece dear.

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  3. I really can’t see how trust is an issue if you’re both committed. Having an end date to ldr definitely creates trust. If you’re at the stage where both parties are still thinking about an end date/moving makes the relationship very vulnerable.

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  4. I think that a LDR is not for everyone. If you are someone who ranks physical intimacy over emotional connection, this kind of relationship will be extremely challenging to you. If you are someone who treasures spending quality time and engaging in fun activities with your lover more so than having deep, meaningful conversations, exchanging thoughts and ideas, and sharing life experiences together, you might want to think twice before entering into a long distance relationship.
    A Long distance relationship can work. However, it takes an enormous amount of effort, commitment, trust, and love to succeed, not to mention mental maturity, emotional stability, and courage. In most cases, when a long distance relationship breaks down or ends in failure, the couple puts the blame on the “distance.” However, I believe that the “distance” merely intensifies the core problem of the relationship – it itself is not the problem.

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    1. Thanks for your comment Uzo P, very insightful. I agree with Joecool in that if you knew the person before then distance shouldn’t be a problem, in fact when you do get together it’s exciting and you cherish and appreciate that person a lot more. I’m sure you can testify to this.

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