A few years ago when I was single, I made a list of all the qualities I would like in a man. It included generosity, honesty, good looks (I know….shallow), romantic, morally upright…etc. The list was actually quite long and I started to realise that maybe it’s unrealistic, but then I thought no! If I can be all of those things then why can’t he? Anyway in the relationship that came directly after that list was written I realised that I compromised on a lot if not all of what was written down. Why? I don’t know. I started to think that within that list, no matter how long it is there should always be at least 3-5 things that you will not compromise on and here are mine.
Lying. Everybody lies, or has lied at some point in life. Even I myself have lied when I was younger to save my skin from getting in trouble with my mum or teachers. I know it sounds hypercritical but its the spirit behind the lying that must be discerned. I think theres a difference between lying to save somebodies feelings and lying to manipulate a situation for evil and selfish gain, there’s also a difference between an individual who constantly lies, to someone who doesn’t make a habit of it. It’s up to the individual to decide whether to keep that person in their life or not. For me habitual lying is a deal breaker. I always try to be as transparent as possible with people so that they never get the wrong idea or feel like I’m being dishonest to them in anyway, so I expect the same. (Thou shalt not lie. Exodus 20:16)
Stealing. If you steal anything from me it is a wrap! We wouldn’t tolerate it from a friend then why should we tolerate it from a boyfriend. Again I’m not trying to be holier than thou here I do realise that people can make mistakes but I would like to stress that if this a habit, it will be hard to break and you’ll just end up being hurt in the long run if you don’t nip it in the bud. I’ve heard horror stories of smart women who turned foolish in the name of love and have been duped out of thousands of pounds because of a man she trusted, and this goes both ways, men have been taken advantage of too. When people show you who they are at the beginning of a relationship…don’t turn a blind eye to it but believe them! (Thou shalt not steal. Exodus 20:15)
Physical violence. I remember when I was in primary school and my friend always use to say this saying “Don’t raise your hand to me because you didn’t raise me up to raise your hand to me”. She was actually talking to the teachers LOL but I always remembered it and I think it could be applied to all relationships. Bear in mind my father has never hit me so even more so I couldn’t tolerate it from a man. However I know of relationships where physical violence towards each other is the norm, clearly its not a deal breaker for them, but hey different strokes… (Deliver me, O Lord from evil men; preserve me from violent men. Psalm 140:1).
If they don’t want to get married or have kids. Men may think that women are demanding or they may feel pressured when women talk about putting a ring on it or children early in the dating process. However I think that its important to know these things at the onset of a relationship if thats what you want (that goes for anything really) and if that person can’t give you what you want then move on, nobody’s time needs to be wasted. Lots of women make the mistake of sticking with a man in the hopes of changing his mind, but this rarely happens. I’m not saying people can’t change I’m saying that often men don’t want to be with someone that wants to change them but that loves them for who they are. Granted some men do change their minds after being in a relationship with a women because you have planted a seed. An example would be a guy who never wanted to get married, then you break up and all of a sudden he gets married to someone else. Either he was lying and he just didn’t want to marry you, or you planted the seed (words are seed) in his mind and it took time to blossom. (He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22).
These are just a few of my deal breakers, obviously cheating goes without saying and some of the things listed on the picture above are serious points too. This is why dating and falling in love slowly is important so you can weed out the chaff. At the same time I also believe there is no formula to love. Some people mature and change once they meet certain people and it could start off disastrous and end really well, who knows? The end of a matter is better than its beginning and patience better than pride. (Ecclesiastes 7:8)
What are your relationship deal breakers?