The Swirl is an African American colloquialism for interracial dating (i.e black female, white male and vice versa). It has caused a huge impact in the social media world with lots of Youtube Swirl couples documenting their lives together. The trend even has sites dedicated to these types of relationships such as Swirl World and The Swirl life on Instagram. So the question today is…are you down with the swirl?
Of course I’m not going to ask that question without first posing it to myself, and the answer is yes! I am down with the swirl or rather, I was…once upon a time. I have been there, done that and worn the T-shirt. A girl I know calls it “Playing in the snow”, I was crying when I heard that phrase LOL. My first and only interracial relationship lasted for six years. I would say that to date it was one of the best relationships I’ve had. So why did we break up? We just grew apart and wanted different things (no longer on the same page), which can be such a shame, because you start off with the same likes and dislikes and then it all goes Pete Tong. Do I regret our break up? No, I feel that we both met each other at the right time and we both had something to learn, once the lesson was learnt the relationship ended. However we still kept in touch afterwards and he’s one of the few ex’s that I could actually talk to as a friend with no animosity or bad blood, unlike the X-Men that I spoke about in last weeks post. What kept us together for so long (it was long in my eyes ok!, in fact that was my longest relationship)? We actually liked each other and we liked to do the same things and go to the same places. Friendship is term that can be overused in conversations about your spouse or boy/girlfriend, but if you genuinely like each other that can go a long way in sustaining a great relationship.
So is there a difference in men of a different skin colour? Yes and no. Men are men at the end of the day and unfortunately the majority of them behave the same no matter the skin colour. We still had our fair share of arguing, jealousy (not on my part might I add), and numerous break ups. Some black women say that there’s a deeper appreciation for you as a black woman from men of other races and I would say that is true, but its true for any inter mix of races because its unfamiliar territory, and its human nature to take the things we are around everyday for granted. What the relationship taught me was that love has no colour and you should be with whoever makes you happy. I don’t have a problem when I see inter racial couples because of the above statement, but I do have an issue with black men/women who say they would never or don’t date their own and the same for white people who say they wouldn’t date people from their race. I think there’s something seriously wrong with that mentality, and I immediately get turned off from anyone who talks like that, why? because you must first love who you are before you love someone else.
Another issue that may come up is the merging of cultures, that alone can be hard for two black people, say a Jamaican and a Nigerian let alone a, Ugandan with a Scottish person. People who come from strong traditional backgrounds can find it hard to merge. On the other hand some couples really embrace it. I was watching a youtube clip of a Nigerian woman marrying a Welsh man and he really loved taking part in the traditional wedding before the white wedding. I also met a black guy earlier this year who was getting married to an Indian girl, I was like “Wow did you not have to convert to her religion?” and he said “Yes”, and I just stood there in awe at the lengths people would go to for love. Back to the ex, although our skin colours were different we shared the British culture and he loved reggae music (he knew more reggae artists than me…I bow my head in shame as I type) which cemented our union even further. We did have different view points on the up bringing of children, I have a more disciplinarian approach to raising children and he had a more relaxed one and feel that this was due to how we ourselves were raised. I did have issues with how he spoke to his parents sometimes, although he did love them, he just behaved in a way that I could never with my parents.
So what’s the verdict? Never forsake your own people but be open to love from all, because often times love comes in the packaging you least expect.
If you’ve been in an inter racial relationship, I’d like to hear your views below, you can just share your experience or answer the questions above. If you haven’t been in this type of relationship or are not “Down with the swirl” I’d like to hear your views also.
Peace n Love x