I’m not looking for the perfect man. I’m looking for the man whose imperfections I can put up with – Devon Ashley

Why are the majority of black women single? The answer from most would be, “…because I don’t want to put up with S@*t!”. Its true, black women have zero tolerance for disrespect, I think this is a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because it raises the bar for men to fix up when approaching certain women and curse because people are always going to evolve at their own pace. Are relationships really built to last forever? The relationships that do last for 50 and 60 years plus are a minority, but maybe thats just because that generation are literally dying. If we look at relationships like houses, nobody wants an old house, but the oldest houses are the most valuable and I guess it depends on the foundation and the materials used. Some houses are built to last because of the quality that was put into it. My theory as to why my grandmas generation had long lasting marriages is because the women put up with things that todays generation wouldn’t. Most people would say that the women put up with the things their husband did because they had to, he was the bread winner. However my grandma was a barrister she had her own career and 4 children yet and still she put up with the stuff my grandad did that women today would tell you to kick him to the curb for. “As long as he comes home” she said, its a simple requirement but that was all she required of him. Is that the secret? To be simple in your demands and to be quiet? I’m a big advocate for reciprocity, I believe in fairness, I believe that respect goes both ways but maybe I have it wrong.

I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but the in the lens of life that I’m looking through I’m yet to see a couple that I can look at and say “Thats relationship goals right there” maybe its just me, if you know any examples please can you write it below in the comment box. Every relationship has its ups and downs and the best relationships are here to help us grow and evolve. Progress = Happiness, everything that grows or makes progress is healthy whether its your children, your career, even your hair and nails its all down to what you cultivate. Relationships are about cultivating healthy growth, while you transform and blossom into the best version of yourself. So maybe we need to also see the challenges of relationships as an opportunity for growth too. The people you encounter on this journey called life are living mirrors, they are here to teach you about yourself. Sometimes we don’t like what we see and blame the person instead of looking at ourselves. If you look in the mirror and see a spot on your face your not going to walk away from the mirror thinking “ewww look at the spot on that persons face” no you are going to do everything you can to remove that spot because its your own reflection, so why can’t we do that when life holds our friends or relationships as a mirror up to us. If you keep experiencing the same results, its time to get rid of that pimple.

8 thoughts on “Evolution

  1. Great article. I think people ensured their relationships lasted long was also because of honour and reputation.
    I also feel like black women are maybe not willing to branch out as much, as the majority of black men do.
    As for the relationships which I know of, which are thriving. They are couples who tend to communicate well and started with the foundation of friendship. Another pattern is that they have their own separate lives in terms of friendships yet do a lot together also as a couple.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m gonna keep saying this & cut to the chase.

    If we spent less time talking & more time DOING, we wld have evolved above & beyond.

    People love Drama & Rhetoric, even quick fix solutions, but in REALITY it’s so simple it seems complex.

    Out of respect for this Article, I will share here for FREE & this comes with 18 years of marriage (& now separation not ‘divorce’),

    Bringing your BEST TO THE TABLE IS KEY.

    Whatever that best is for u, it’s your best & what attracted u to your significant other to start. Development, Progress & Growth is paramount. Stagnant isn’t Love nor Livity.

    Don’t lose that or take your eye off the ball.
    U will lose.

    This is evident by this very article & this discussion at present.

    Not a Judgement
    Not an Opinion
    Just an Observation

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi CC, thanks so much for your comment “Bringing your best to the table” is a new perspective that I guess I’ve never really thought of. What happens if either party stops bringing their best though? Does that equal stagnation and if so how do you determine somebodies shelf life? I.e is there an expiry date on people best???


      1. That’s the thing Sis, people DON’T bring their best. There seems to be the ‘Honeymoon’ period & then the dramas begin; Paranoia, Jealousy, upset, infidelity, confusion, heartbreak.

        When ALL the energy & focus cld be POSITIVE by honouring one another with the same Love you would give yourself.

        As humans we are Complex & wld rather take our energy focus & time creating negative experiences, it’s
        Incredibly sad & disappointing, but is what it is.

        If we are authentic, self loving & giving, then Our Shelf Life is Eternal. It has no expiry date.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. CC captured it in the phrase: ‘bring your best to the table’. I think most people forget that a relationship is a constant work in progress, with loads of useful lessons to learn each day.
    A fundamental problem is allowing the early excitement that marks the beginning of every relationship to go to stagnation.
    Managing a successful long term relationship may not be easy, but its not impossible if we are true to ourselves.
    A very insightful and thoughtful post. Great thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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