What is it that you do, to make your partner feel that they are special? That they are the one you still chose every morning when you wake up, that they’re the one that you want to be there the next morning and the next morning? How do manifest your love, your appreciation, your admiration for your partner? Have you shown up?- Ester Perel

The reason why new relationships make you feel so good is because novelty allows you to present a fresh you, a new you, a different you. Long term relationships grow stale because the person knows you and sometimes there are really no surprises when a person knows you well and can predict your every move. The reason why you may take your partner for granted, and your new co worker or friend thinks the world of your partner is because they see them with fresh eyes. When you meet someone new most likely you will put your best foot forward, you’ll be funny, you’ll be charming and super attentive, however will you be that same person when you go home to your partner or will they be getting the left overs?

Novelty is my theory as to what keeps the spice in relationships. Finding a way to create new experiences with your partner is what keeps the ship running, alive and spicy. When you get married its something new, when you have children its something new, but then after that what happens? The relationships that fail to produce new experiences are often the ones that fail. Don’t get me wrong there are people that prefer routine, that feel safe with predictability, but the society that we are in right now that is driven by social media (the microwave generation), produces people with very short attention spans.

I said all that to say I have recently reconnected with an ex. I’m at the stage of seeing an old situation with fresh eyes. You could say we were high school sweethearts but we didn’t go to the same high school and neither of us are from America. This relationship has spanned almost 20 years and although we only were together for 3 years, I imagine what life would have been like if we had stayed together for all that time. Now we have reconnected things are fresh and new, and although we have a history it feels good because we have fond memories of each other as well as getting to know each other all over again. He puts a smile on my face when I think of him. He goes out of his way to show me that he cares. Why we broke up was a misunderstanding. I wouldn’t usually go back with and ex but he is one ex that I’ve always spoke to after the break up and had no hard feelings towards. I don’t know what the next 20 years will bring but inshallah it will be sprinkled with love, happiness, and lots of novelty. As a Sagittarius I like adventure. As I embark on this new adventure I hope that we can both bring our best selves to the relationship and that this trait endures.